One would think I would come out of four days lying flat on my back ill energetic and ready to at least challenge some ass if not kick it out right. However the attention I crave is still not here, I was actually getting more of it while I was at my worst. And then he goes out of town and I'm too tired/depressed/cranky to do something with someone else. Though the whole O thing is frustrating because I would love to sit and watch movie with him, but I know I don't like him more than a friend and I know he wants intimacy and affection and then he hits on someone else a week after I tell him he's too busy for me. Whatever, I shouldn't get silly about that last part. I should have called him back, but I was hungry and confused.

I watch this girl on tv talk about God and Jesus in her life and it's soooo like I'm back in middle/high school again. I'm thinking, why don't they take all the time they devote to bringing God into their hearts/bodies/lives/souls/liver/etc and do something better with it. Then I thought, why don't I take all the time I spend brooding and do something with it. Shit, I lose.

Loneliness, must broach the topic of loneliness next week. Let's see how much I can psyche myself out about the session before it even happens! (Bad Idea Bear!) ;-)

It's amazing how anger and shame can suppress the appetite.